Blog no. 5: How Not to Behave in Church

This is how one should behave when hearing mass. You come to church in the middle of the gospel reading, wearing a micro mini skirt. Seeing the font buy the church doors, you submerge both your hands into the holy water, splashing some on your face, too. Then with your clanking heels, you make your way to the front pew. When you get there, you wipe your hands on the shirt of the person beside you. As the priest starts his homily, you grab the bag of chips and the can of soda you brought in your bag. You munch loudly, and offer some to those around you. Then as the collectors come with their offertory bags, you take out a large bill and ask them if they've got change. During consecration, just as the priest raises the chalice, you raise your hand and ask the priest if you can go pee. You then sprint outside and come back just in time for Communion. You overtake the persons who are about to line up, and push those in front of you. After receiving the host, you go back to your seat and take out your cellphone while waiting for the others to finish.